chriswelch.com

Yes, that's the sound of the Welch Train slowly loosing steam as this All-Across-Europe-In-Oh-My-God-70-Days trip winds to a screaching halt. As I get more and more tired, I slowly get more stupid. Case in point: Today, I went to retrieve the rest of my luggage in the Oslo train station and spent way too much money.

The lockers at the station are coin-op, so after 24 hours they kindly request more food (i.e. coins) before it will give you back your luggage. Seeing the sign, I popped in 100NOK (about $12) and tried to unlock the locker. Well, it didn't work, and you know why? Cause it was the wrong locker, of course! Yes, so my (which was right next to it) required 20NOK. There goes another 100NOK. I'm spending money in Scandinavia like it's cool...

So I have one more day of sightseeing left in Amsterdam, and 2 days of train rides to get there (with a little lay over in Copenhagen. I'll be getting deep into Beyond Romance, a book on the philosophy of love, which Matt, Mr. Philosophy himself, gave me for my 21st. I'm look forward to it. If luck has it, I'll be able to finish it on the plane back.

On a final note, in the last posting, I recommended getting a notebook to jot down ideas (just read the posting). Well, at the recommendation of my Prof. Saint Catherine (I sainted her today. Don't worry if you didn't get an invitation, it was a small group.), you should look at Moleskin, purveyour of fine bound animal-hide products. Com'mon kid, buy one. All your friends are doing it ;)

I finished Beyond Romance. Very good book. Sometimes a little heavy on the jargon, but it was a critique. The meat of the text was easy to comprehend. How 'bout this: True love happens when you find a person you want to discover for the rest of your lives. Pretty cool right? I could get really into it (and I may sometime later), but I will refrain, since I'm feeling pretty sassy right now.

My last 36 hours in Europe (on this trip anyways) and I'm feeling like I have a real spring in my step. I don't know why. Even though I'm ready to go home (my feet hurt), I'm going to suck every last ounce out the last few hours that I can.

Okay, so here's the deal. I'll be home sometime after 10pm on August 18th (after my parents generously fill me full of Dinosaur BBQ ribs), so e-mail if you want to be the first to throw Chris a welcome home party. Work doesn't begin for a few days for me, so I'll be at your mercy ;)

Last night I sat under the stars. In my parent's backyard, half way between the country and the city, the sky is black enough to see all the stars in the galaxy. I wanted to get away, so I layed down in the thick mat of dewy grass, and watched the sky at work.

When I was a child, I had a fascination with the stars. This facination turned into a love of science, and science fiction. Shows like Star Trek and Star Wars captivated my imagination. I enjoyed astronomy and dreamed that one day I would be able to go to another planet, and explore the universe.

Like when I was young, I imagined that I was flying my own space ship, free to wander the universe and explore distant solar systems. Of course, it didn't take long to see that this is just another longing for adventure that I sometimes have, and if not adventure then freedom — or maybe somehow those things are the same.

But of course this is ridiculous. As adults we must face our responsibilities head on. We must strive to better ourselves. We must increase our wealth; we must build a family; we must settle down. And being so young, I guess I am hardly beginning to realize what a burden these ideals will place on me.

I can't help the feeling though, that maybe somehow these aspirations of ours, that we strive for all our lives, elude the point of it. Perhaps there is something to the thousands and thousands of Native Americans that lived only to be in harmony with nature. That lifestyle may live on only in spirit now, but I can't help but wondering if their crime rates were as high, and unemployment and pollution so pervasive... or more importantly, if their quality of life was as good, or perish the thought, even better than our own.

It's been almost a week since I returned from Europe. With all the longing thoughts of home, and desire to have a wardrobe larger than 6 shirts, I think last night solidified for me the fact that I really just want to keep travelling. Without a doubt, there is nothing more romantic than the thought of leaving everything behind and facing the world with only your own strength and determination.

It seems to me that there are things in life that could bring that kind of sense of adventure. Ranching, for example. How great would it be to live out on thousands of acres of your own land, with your cows and your wife, spending the day on the back of a horse, worrying only about keeping your cows healthy and marketable? Living a simple life.

But of course the problem is that this desire to live a simple life is in direct conflict with my passion for business, which by necessity requires that I muck my life up with dozens of people I'll have to deliver for. Stress is the very nature — the very adventure of — high stakes business.

Maybe Ted Turner should be my role model in this respect. Media mogul turned rancher, he now works only when he wants to, and spends the remainder of his days tending his cattle with his (some would say) beautiful wife in the pristine Texas prairie. Or someone like Larry Ellison, one of the richest men in the world, who worked so hard and now plays just as hard, nearly killing himself as he raced his yacht in the America's Cup.

I don't have an answer to these questions, these that have been nagging me recently. It seems that the choices I'll make in the next couple years will dramatically affect the rest of my life, and the burden of that decision is weighing me down. I know I have to face them eventually, so I want to face them without delay, but I want to live the happiest, most fulfilling life I can, in all respects. One of the greatest fears I have in life is being stuck at a desk forever. I want to live life fully.

As Lan says, maybe the fact that I'm even asking these questions is a sign that I shouldn't worry. I hope she's right, but I can't be sure, because recognition is only half the battle. The other half is implementation.